What is love to you?Does love equate to interpersonal relationships? Is attention love? Sacrifice? Or perhaps warm tingly feelings in your toes, followed by the fluttering of your insides? The world teaches us that love's a deep intense feeling, the one thing that can free us from all the weight and pain of life. However, H.L. Mencken discerns that to be in 'love' is merely to be in a state of perceptual anaesthesia. On the other end of the spectrum, we have fields of knowledge trying to give love a definition. Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. Communication's contemporary view of interpersonal relationships is that we're establishing relationships with another individual just to satisfy our social needs and realise our personal goals (Gamble and Gamble, 2005).
I believe all these views/theories/insights/blabber-of-the-experts have missed what love truly is by a long shot. To me, there are really 4 general types of love. There is Stergos, the parental kind of love. There is Philia, that's really friendship love! There's Eros, the romantic, emotional kind of love. And then there's Agape, God's never-failing, ever-faithful, love-without-condition.
The world pretty much subscribes wholeheartedly to the Eros kind of love. Love is all about the perfect Hollywood scene. They glamourise the expensive restaurants, holding the door for the lady, and (literally) the romantic walk-in-the-park. They exhibit proudly the infatuation and the lust, but never really seek to investigate the true foundations of a long-lasting relationship.
Some ask what love truly is. Others argue that views on love are always limited by context, that you can never truly define it. Well let me share the bible's interpretation of any and every kind of genuine love: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (The Holy Bible, NIV, 1 Cor 13:4-7)
LOVE IS NOT SELF-SEEKING!! Perhaps its time to stop asking ourselves if we'll ever find the 'perfect' guy or girl of our dreams. One that will chase all the troubles away. One that would truly bring happiness. One that would truly satisfy.
Maybe we've all been too concerned about FINDING the right one, when all along we should have been concerned about BEING the right one for someone else!
7 comments:
a very insightful post, but you may have left out one more type of love: Commercialos. love between 2 people who are only in it for the benefits they get.
jokes aside, i agree strongly with your last paragraph. how often have we seen people (both boy and girls) setting their standards and expectations so high, but when you ask them what they have to offer in order to attract such high caliber only to realise that they have nothing good about them?
First of all, nice picture! Was it photo-shopped or is it natural? It looks like something out of "Earth from Above"
Back on topic, I never believed in the Hollywood world of love with its expensive restaurants and lavish gifts. To me, one of the most important signs of love, be it among friends or lovers, is about being there when the person needs you. Cliche I know, but people seem to forget that.
I also agree with your last paragraph. We should try to limit this selfish and self-serving mindset that we all have. Ask not what the person can do for you, but what you can do for that person.
i am totally in sync with you too shawn. but then again, as humans, how long can we actually last without getting some form of reciprocation, being all selfless? giving and taking, although they may not be balanced on the scale, are what that keeps us going. friendships, relationships, it applies to everything.
as to what love truly is, it is basically what we are composed of, brought up with love, cared for with love, taught with love, it's so vast, it's really everywhere. it may be due to our hectic lives, but we often miss out on those acts, that are truly motivated by love.
the trick is to find someone else with the same set of values as you, the same set of beliefs!
if 2 selfless people, completely non-selfseeking people, only commited to helping the other reach their full potential came together, won't it be an amazing relationship? =)
Love is just a series of complex chemical reactions. ;) But then again, to merely say it so casually would discount its greatness. I think of love as the greatest emotion one can ever feel.
How you would want to function in your different 'love' relationships would pretty much be dependant on your character. A selfish, self-seeking person might of course not be willing to sacrifice much for his/her partner. But a genial, selfless person would give it her/his all for the relationship. That's why it's important to know the person's true self before going into anything with them - you've gotta think about whether you'd be willing to stand with this person proudly for a long time to come.
It is true that people often focus on what they want in a partner rather than what they have to offer themselves. But I think that is case because it is in our innate nature to seek for this "missing" part that will give us fulfillment.
A giving and selfless individual may seem like the ideal for a partner, but even that offering of oneself is a form of giving to get. The dark side to people who are self-sacrificing is that they tend to be possessive, insecure (in need of plenty of assurance), and manipulative. They also often run the risk of losing themselves in a relationship or turning vengeful when they feel threatened or spurned.
"Most people need to be with someone. They can't wait to fall in love because they are afraid of being alone. It takes courage to resist being with someone just for the sake of being with someone."
And for the true eros kind of love, you can feel happy and comfortable simply just by being together with your other half.
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